A recurring theme in my life was that of giving away my personal power in relationships. I have often seen myself putting the desires of my partner before my own needs. This has always led to unhappiness. It cannot lead anywhere else, truthfully.

Any time we behave in a fashion that is intended to make somebody else happy, we cut ourself off from our own happiness. A situation is created where we experience a constant outflow of energy. If the situation isn’t remedied, our emotional and even physical health will suffer. Eventually, the relationship will collapse.

Unfortunately, many of us are taught from birth onward that we are expected to modify our behaviour to suit others. It starts with our parents and moves to our schools and onward to employment. Throughout our experience, the reinforcement of behaving to please others happens again and again.

The paradox here is that unless we please ourself, we’ll never really be happy. In always putting others first, we leave nothing for the Self. From an energetic perspective, this is unsustainable because there is no nurturing feedback. And it’s important to note that our primary source of emotional nourishment comes from the Self.

If I think about my own happiness first, doesn’t that make me selfish?

I used to think so. It wasn’t until I was deeply unhappy in my life and trying to figure out how to fix it that I understood that it isn’t wrong to take care of yourself. In taking care of yourself, have have more to offer others. Think of it like being in an aircraft and the oxygen masks drop down. You’re instructed to put on your mask first, then assist those beside you.

When you concentrate on making yourself happy, you no longer leave it up to your relationships to fulfil that role in your life. This has the significant side effect of you being firmly aligned with your desires. And in being aligned with those desires, we get firmly aligned with Source.

In ensuring that we behave in ways that affirm our happiness, we empower ourselves to stand in our truth. It means that we don’t need to lash out at our partner because of perceived sleights. Instead of bitterly seeing our unhappiness and reacting to the imbalance we feel, we can be calm in stating our truth.

That last sentence has been paramount for me. In giving away my power and feeling the imbalance within the relationship, I was prone to anger. For a long time, I thought the answer was anger management. And, you know, it wasn’t. The answer was – and is – happiness management.

If you’re in a relationship that is struggling, find whatever ways you can to increase your happiness. Work as an individual to this end, taking 100% responsibility for your well-being. As you do so, you’ll find the parameters of your relationship changing. The changes can be huge. Moreover, they can happen in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes, relationships don’t survive these changes. The relationship can, however, be reborn into a new vehicle of growth and expression for both partners. Either way, you’ll be happy and empowered. From that space, magic happens!